In Order to Write More, One Must Write More

So I've been asked to write stuff.  I haven't written lengthy stuff or intelligent stuff or good stuff in a while, so I'm attempting to practice by writing senseless blog posts.

Let's talk about my day, shall we?

I got up at 5:45AM.  Okay, okay, the first alarm went off at 5:45AM, but I didn't actually get UP until 5:50AM.  Because those extra five fucking minutes of non-sleep made me perky the rest of the day.  NOT.

I took a shower.  I grumbled the entire time I was in the shower.  I also realized my toe hurts a lot.  I hate that I have my father's feet.  If someone were to see my feet, they'd think I was a dude.  I envy people with nice feet.

Then I got ready for work.  I went out to the car, and then realized I'd left my peanut butter sandwiches in the fridge, and I didn't want to starve at work so I went back in to get them.  The dog looked at me like I was on crack.  I scowled generally at her and went back out to the car.  I had a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast, and a peanut butter sandwich for lunch.

Don't judge me.  I'm poor.

I left the house at 6:33AM.  I cursed a lot at traffic.  I also stopped at Shell to get coffee.  For some fucked-up reason at work, they are working on break rooms on 2 of the 3 floors my company is on.  So there's only one break room available to get coffee from, and most mornings it looks like a Section 8 gathering of vagrants.  So I try to get a refill in the mornings.  I ran out of money for refills today, though, so I'm going to have to brave the break room tomorrow.  I will knocking motherfuckers out left and right to get to the coffee. You'll see me on the morning news, "FAT BITCH KNOCKS MOTHERFUCKERS OUT FOR CAFFEINE FIX."

I don't have to be at work until 8AM, but I'm usually there about an hour early.  I got there at 7:05AM today.  Usually I check Facebook on my phone, but I wasn't able to pay my phone bill, so I just listened to the morning show fluff on that one shitty pop station that I hate the music they play.

This one woman had called in.  She was upset because her baby's daddy had told her that he was going to spend Mother's Day with his other baby's momma instead of her and their 16-month-old.  She was more upset because she said, "Okay," and then when Mother's Day came along he actually did what he said he was going to do and left her alone all effing day.  Get a clue.  You can't change asshole.  He also said he would be alternating years for spending time with either family.  Yeah.  LEAVE NOW or don't complain.

Then I went in.  I sat at my computer, and looked at my horrible call stats from yesterday.  Then I took calls from all kinds of people.  Then I went to lunch, where I sat in my car and read (for the billionth time) A Crewel Lye by Piers Anthony.  I love that book, but man it's a little below my reading level at this point.

Then I went back in and took more calls from people.  I tried not to say, "Oh my motherfuckinggod," before they had hung up.  I also put my phone on mute when I was sighing exasperatedly.

At 5:04PM, I got in my car to go home.

I listened to NPR.  I love NPR.  I'm glad they're done with their pledge drive, though.  Nothing makes me feel more guilty.  I want to give them money -- I listen to them all the time on the ride home.  But I can't afford anything right now, much less pledging money to them.

The most notable story today was about a Hispanic author who died today in Mexico City at age 83.  They said there was lots of talk about him winning a Nobel Prize, but he never won.  Even though I've not read anything by him, it kind of made me sad.

I got home at 6:40PM.  YES.  IT TOOK ME ONE HOUR AND FUCKING 36 MINUTES TO GET HOME WHEN IT USUALLY TAKES ME LESS THAN HALF AN HOUR TO GET TO WORK.  YES, I WANT TO SHOOT EVERYONE IN THEIR CARS.

I also have a horribly irrational fear that everyone in the cars next to me are staring at me while we're sitting at traffic lights.  I will never know if this is true, because I'm too nervous and shy to actually look at other people to see if they're looking at me in my car.  It's a conundrum.

Then I made some macaroni & cheese for dinner.  I also picked up dog poop and dumped trash and cigarette butts.  I checked Facebook.  I updated my video driver.

And then I wrote this post.

So tell me.  Are you glad I shared?  :D

Book Review: "A Good Dog" by Jon Katz

So, I have been around dogs all of my life.  I have to say, though, that reading anything non-fiction about dogs has to be something different and unique for me not to get my hackles all up about it.  I hated Marley & Me.  By the end, I wanted to punch the author in the face.

A Good Dog by Jon Katz was one of the most odd books I think I've read in a while.  The fact that it was about a dog really ... was secondary.  The writing and the points that the author chose to write about had me scratching my head at times, and at other times just had me wrinkling my nose and quirking an eyebrow.

First of all, a lot of the emotion that was being conveyed about Orson (the 'good dog' the book is primarily about) felt so wooden and disconnected.  I felt as though the author could have been writing about someone else's dog and not even his own.  The whole book had such a defeatist and sullen underscore.  I'm used to some sort of humor being peppered in through the text to lighten the mood sometimes.  There seemed to be no lightening of the mood at all in this book.  I'm still not sure if I should be thankful or upset about that.

Given some of the material, I can see why the book's tone was so sullen.  Perhaps it didn't need it so heavy handedly thrown in the reader's face.

I also felt like the author just kept repeating themes and phrases.  In chapter after chapter, it was like he eternally felt the need to reiterate the idea that Orson was 'messed up in the head somehow.'  Really, you only have to point that out once or twice -- I get it after the first few times, I promise.  Quite honestly, I've dumb-ed down the idea that the author was trying to get across about Orson's personality, but I still felt as if I was being hit over the head with it on a regular basis.

And then Mr. Katz started in on the dog shaman lady.  And that's when I ceased to care.

Many animal books I've loved; some of them more than others.  But with this book, by the time I reached the end I was just ready for it to be over.  I didn't judge on any of the decisions made by the author, and I sort of resented the fact that some of the chapters seemed to be written with the full expectation that I should be judging the author based on certain decisions he'd made.  And the final chapters, with the shaman lady again ... I just kind of narrowed my eyes, pursed my lips, and skipped most of it.

[If you couldn't tell, I'm not big on 'magical' or 'alternative' healing.  Heh.]

I don't know that I would recommend any dog lovers read this book.  Although I'm not a big fan of most of it, there are some good spots.  The failures at herding, some of the tales about school bus chasing are amusing.  Some of the decisions made in the book are left up to the reader to interpret, and I think that's pretty cool.  However, most of the book is dreary & heavy.  If you are a HUGE fan of border collies, then definitely pick up this book.  The man definitely knows the breed!

I'm glad it wasn't another Marley & Me.  It had a sense of 'realness' about it that wasn't so campy.

So there ya go.  Book review by me.  I've started reading more so I can start writing again.  Yay?

That is all.

Oh, How I Love Thee, Atlanta

Okay.

I live in/near Atlanta.  At the beginning of the video, this woman states she lives in Lithonia -- and also the AJC is mentioned [the Atlanta-Journal Constitution, an Atlanta newspaper].

You would be surprised how often I've been around people going off on other people like this around where I live.

White, African American, Hispanic, Asian, all of them.  It's like they all have a super sense of entitlement, and feel like all of their problems are the fault of other people.  Because it's easier to blame someone else, either for their race or religion or what-the-fuck, than it is to accept responsibility for their own fucking problems.

This is why I hate the south.  In general.  Not just one race or religion, but the specific HATE that seems to SEETHE from people down here.  Everyone.

OMG, just fucking accept responsibility, and don't take your anger out on people who don't deserve it.

Jeezus.

I fully admit I brought my own situation on myself.  I was dumb and didn't go to college, and then I was lazy and didn't go when I was older.  Now I'm fucked.  But ... that's not anyone else's fault.  That's my own stupidity.  And the day I go off on someone else for my fucking stupidity is the day I don't need to be here anymore.

I'm done for today.

ETA:  And yeah, white people are fucked up, too.  Even in Canada.  :)

Back to Just Living

So the last post was somewhat depressing, no? So let's move on, shall we?

I would go into how my job has turned into something unable to sustain me, but that would also be depressing. So instead, let's talk about me! Let's talk about what's okay right now, yeah? Well:

- I'm alive. I suppose that's a good thing.

- I'm not starving to death. There are people who don't have any food at all. I am not one of those people. Although I will admit, last night my dinner was pasta with salt ... and I mixed in some sour cream because I didn't have anything else to put on it. And I'm out of butter, so I had to use vegetable oil to make the pasta not sticky. But... yeah, back to good things.

- My car still runs. (I actually just knocked on wood.)

- All of my bills, at the moment, are up-to-date. Not sure how long this will last, given my current monetary situation, and the fact that I have to call my car company next week to see if I can differ a payment, but yeah.

- I have a bed to sleep on, working appliances, and a decent computer. Also, I have a working vacuum. All good there.

- I have a job. A lot of people do not. I also have a modicum of job security at this point, since I'm reliable, put out decent work, and my quality scores are awesome.

- My shoes do not have holes.

 - My dog is awesome and loves me.

- My friends are awesome, and love me.

So let's get to some other stuff, shall we? Maybe y'all can help me.

I'm trying to quit smoking again. It's been difficult. I made it a week, and then there were bonus changes at work that made it IMPOSSIBLE for people to get bonuses. So naturally, with a reduced income, I started buying cigarettes again. Heh. What have you done to quit smoking? Did it work for you? I really can't afford any OTC medications to help, and seeing a doctor about it would be about $600 with my shitty insurance, so that's also out of the question. My health is the most important reason, but also they're FUCKING EXPENSIVE. Any tips here would be awesome.

Also, I'm trying to get another job, and I don't think I do the best interviews in the world. The last job interview I went to, the most I did was talk about how much my current job sucks. Heh. Any tips here would be great as well.

Well, I think that's pushed the other post down far enough. I LIVE, and I guess that's the best thing. Woo.

How Bad It's Gotten

A friend of mine told me not too long ago that if I had a potential suitor, that I shouldn't link them to this blog because it's negative.

I agreed, and at the time I promised said friend that I'd post something positive.

But honestly, that promise has kept me from posting here at all. This is my outlet. This is a place where I can bitch and moan and be completely depressing, and it's okay. It's where I go to properly blow up without having my mother read it. It's where I'm honest to a fault, and being honest is something I've learned to curb in most of my life. Maybe that's my problem.

So.

As you can tell from the title, this is not a positive post. But it's an honest post. And I think sometimes that might be a little better.

The tagline of this blog used to be, "A blog of goals, and (hopefully) accomplishments." One of those goals used to be 'losing weight.' There were a few others (you can see the links to the side, there), but that's the one we're focusing on today.

I haven't lost weight. In fact, I've gained weight. I'm at a weight now that I never thought I would ever be. Let me break it down for you.

I bought a scale about two years ago to help me with this particular goal. When I get on that scale now, I have no idea how much I weigh. Why? Because I weigh so much, the digital screen on the scale now says "overload" instead of a number.

When I get into my car to drive somewhere, I reach for my seat belt... then I sigh and don't put it on. Why? There's about four inches of space between the buckle and the clasp that it'd have to clear for me to be able to put it on. I'd need a seat belt extender at this point to be able to wear a seat belt.

I went clothes shopping the other day, because I was running out of clothing that fit. When I got to Walmart, I was there for over an hour. Why? Because the largest sizes at Walmart don't fit me anymore. I'm too fat. I had to look for hours to find a style and size that fit me, and was only able to find four items.

I can't sleep. Why? Partially, I believe, because I smoke and it's fucking up my lungs ... but that's a whole other blog post. Mostly I think it's because since I'm so fat, I have sleep apnea. Not a night goes by that I don't wake up and find myself sitting down on the side of the bed instead of lying down... at least 6 or 7 times. Probably because I can't breathe when I lie down. Because I'm fat.

My feet are all swollen and absolutely grotesque. I absolutely CANNOT BREATHE after going down two flights of stairs at work. I waddle. I have, like, eight chins.

I. Am. Fat.

It is totally my fault. I eat too much, I eat out too much, I eat HORRIBLE food, and I never exercise...

I WANT to lose weight. It's very depressing every time I look in the mirror. But I've somehow gotten to the point that I wouldn't even know where to fucking begin to start the process. There are some days I'm scared I'll die of a heart attack even if I start a gentle initial exercise program. And I don't have the money to go to a doctor to see what he/she would recommend.

I don't want to go out in public. I feel like the world is talking about how fat I am. So I don't go out and get exercise... which makes it worse.

And the food is another problem. I am poor. For the past week, I've actually been craving one of those great spinach wraps I posted pictures of in this post. But then I think about it... I'd use about half the spinach, then it would go bad. The wraps would also probably go bad before I used them. One green pepper would be enough, but I probably wouldn't use the entire thing before it would go bad, too. When I was living with K, I had enough extra money that that was okay. Now? OMFG that is a waste of a lot of money!

So instead of spending all that money on stuff I'm not even going to use all of, I'll buy a dollar box of pasta, and that (with some Parmesan & butter) will feed me for FOUR DAYS.

Let's see. Eight dollars worth of good shit that tastes good and is good for me, four dollars of which will be wasted. Three dollars total that feeds me for FOUR DAYS and doesn't get wasted? When you're talking about tracking your bank account down to the last fifty cents you have each week, pasta wins out every time.

I don't know where to begin. I know I HAVE to. But I feel so lost in this particular undertaking that it makes me depressed. I'll say I'll start it, and then the day comes and it seems like such a huge undertaking that I do nothing.

I don't know. I have no idea how to fix it. And while I'm sitting here hemming and hawing and fucking being depressed and upset about it, I just keep getting fatter and fatter. If anyone has any ideas, feel free to leave them in the comments... just try not to be too mean. I'm already mean enough to myself as it is.

In Addendum to the Below Post: About WoW

Before I get lots of bitching and screaming about how World of Warcraft ruined my life, lemme take a second to tell you something:

World of Warcraft came about six years ago. I have been playing games for a LONG TIME. If anything, GAMES ruined my life ... not just World of Warcraft.

It started when my parents bought a Texas Instruments computer in the 80's. I was playing text-based adventure games on that computer for HOURS on end. I specifically remember one thing about one of the games I was playing...

In a text-based computer game, you type commands and read text to complete your adventure. There are ZERO graphics... trust me, the TI computer wouldn't have been able to handle graphics for these games. In this one game, though, there was one place you went to and the road out of that place DIDN'T LEAD ANYWHERE. You could press 'N' all day, and it would still say, "You are going north on a road." That's it. For hours. Interspersed with the, "You are going north on a road," however, occasionally you'd see a road sign (according to the text in the game.) The road sign interactions were something like this:

User Entry: N
"You are going north on a road."

User Entry: N
"You are going north on a road. There is a sign here."

User Entry: Read sign
"The sign says: 'When you feel the need'"

User Entry: N
"You are going north on a road. There is a sign here."

User Entry: Read sign
"The sign says: 'For a good time'"

User Entry: N
"You are going north on a road. There is a sign here."

User Entry: Read sign
"The sign says: 'The pep in your step'"

User Entry: N
"You are going north on a road. There is a sign here."

User Entry: Read sign
"The sign says: 'Will make it fine!'"

User Entry: N
"You are going north on a road. There is a sign here."

User Entry: Read sign
"The sign says: 'Burma shave.'"

Yeah. That happened. When I was, like, 12.

After that, there was the NES. Nintendo. I played Mario Brothers for hours and hours and hours. Even today, when I hear the song that plays for the fish map, it gets stuck in my head all day.

I also played Maniac Mansion so much, I used to play through it regularly and try to beat my previous time. I also tried to solve the game with other characters than the ones I was used to solving it with. I don't think I got all of them, though.

My next great addiction to gaming was an online Role-playing game through the lovely AOL service called "Black Bayou." It was entirely based with typing in an AOL chat room, complete with character sheets with complicated skills and stats that you could improve by accumulating points through playing in the "main room" each night.

Black Bayou was my first experience online, and my first experience playing a game with OTHER PEOPLE. I was highly confused by the character sheets, my English and descriptive skills were horrendous, and getting additional 'experience points' by typing posts for the official forums was foreign to me. But I played this game from the time I first got married to YEARS after my divorce. I got so good at it, that for a time I was a room HOST and got free AOL to monitor the RP in the chat room.

Yeah, I'm that much of a nerd.

AOL started to decline, and our resources for chat and forums for Black Bayou went with it. Antagonist, the company that ran the resources for the game, went under, and all of us from BB scattered.

Then I discovered IRC chat, and the #Blk*dragon Inn.

The BlackDragon Inn was medieval free-form role play. Basically, it was set in the time of knights, dragons, wizards and castles -- and there were no character sheets. By this time, chat-based RP was old hat to me. I entered and about a year later, they asked me to play the returning queen, Melinxa. One of the other room "officers" played the returning king of Drache, Arlok. Both were bumbling idiots.

Due to the fact that my life had a HUGE upheaval at that time, there were a few years between when I didn't play anything. I was very sad. :(

Then I was able to purchase a Playstation 2.

I played Final Fantasy 7 like there was no tomorrow. I must've played through that entire game three times straight. I played Final Fantasy 9 and Final Fantasy 10. I played Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 1 & 2. I played Star Wars: Jedi Starfighter. I played Resident Evil. I played Need for Speed. I played other games, too.

Then I got a computer. On that, I played the PC version of the Piers Anthony Xanth novels game. Eventually, I played Syberia, Seven Sins of the Soul, and later on I played a game called Fate.

I think it was in the middle of my addiction to Fate that World of Warcraft came along.

And you know the story from there.

So there's my gaming history in a fraction of a nutshell. I have no idea what's going to happen next. Maybe I'll just purchase the online version of KotOR anyway and play it on my laggy, shitty computer. Maybe I'll just continue my subscription to WoW. Maybe I'll just cancel everything and start playing through Final Fantasy 10 again (I have my PS2 again!)

Whatever, I have no doubt some game will play a part in my life. No matter what.

Of Online Gaming and World of Warcraft

So first of all, a lot of you are not going to 'get' this post. That's okay. There will no doubt be other posts in the future that you'll understand.

Second of all, I've had SO many ideas for posts over the last few months, but this has been the first post I've actually been motivated enough to write. I have no idea what that actually says about me.

Having said both of those things, I am SO pissed off right now I want to punch someone in the face.

Lemme start at the beginning...

When I first started dating my now-ex-boyfriend, Conner, an odd game called "World of Warcraft" was just coming out. He started playing it. I started watching over his shoulder, and was immediately interested. You could play as a huge cow thing! You could have pets that helped you and ran by you and you could kill things and save the world (of Warcraft)!

I've been playing it for the better part of six years.

Since Warcraft is an online MMORPG (Massively Multi-player Online Role Playing Game), a large part of it is the social aspect. My characters, if you will, have been part of a "guild" in the game -- for the most part -- with the same people for that amount of time.

So, if you really want to get down to it, I've been hanging out with friends in this game for six years, even though I've never met them in real-life. (Well, most of them I've never met... I've met a few of them before.) Although I can see where some people can't understand the connection or how this matters in the grand scheme of life, to me these friends have been some of the best I've ever had.

We've raided together, done world PVP, killed world bosses, raided world cities (all in-game, of course) and a lot of the time we were all drunk on Vent (a chat program) and I know a lot about their lives offline as well.

Enter Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic online.

Most of the people I play with are, like me, HUGE fans of Star Wars. Being gamers, I'm also assuming most of them have played the two previous console versions of KotOR. It's an awesome line of games. I've played the console versions of KotOR, too, and loved every minute of it. I played through both games SEVERAL times -- they were some of the coolest Star Wars games ever made.

So now that there's an online version, most of the people that I play WoW with have moved to that game.

If you take into account all I've said previously, you'd think I'd move over to that game as well.

Oh, I would.

But my SHITTY COMPUTER CANNOT RUN IT.

I even have the money to pay for the game. At this point, I can even afford the monthly subscription fee.

But I can't play it.

And I can't afford the over $900 it would take to buy a computer to run it.

This has made me sad, angry, frustrated, and incredibly lonely.

I'm pissed off at Bioware for making this shit online. KotOR is an EXCELLENT story driven game, and it works extremely well as a single-player game. If it had been released as such, I would have actually attempted to save up and buy a console system just to play it... which is around $300. Which I can handle, especially with a tax refund coming.

But ... $900 for a new computer? Not happening. Plus, I have no idea how end-game content will work, or if it would be worth it. I just -can't- do it.

I'm also pissed off and sad that all of my best friends are (and probably will continue to be) not playing WoW. And they really don't give a shit that I can't join them in KotOR. Their lack of care and inability to fix it for me is simply depressing and makes me feel SO white-trash and poor.

I'm also pissed off at Blizzard. I'm pissed off because maybe if this expansion had been more interesting or cooler or what-the-fuck-ever, then maybe my friends would still be playing. That it wouldn't have been such a suckfest. That it wasn't such a mind-numbing grind of the same shit over and over, and then they come out with fucking PANDAS for the next expansion? What. The. Fuck.

So I made the decision today (for the first time ever not based on lack of monetary funds) to cancel my WoW subscription.

This is such a depressing thing for me. So much shit has gone on in my life over the time I've been playing the game, I really DON'T have anything else to do with my free time.

I literally have no idea what I'm going to do with myself now.

I really don't.

And I'm sad because I'm going to lose friends that I've loved and had for a long time. Regardless of how I met them or what context I'm talking about, that is probably the most depressing and angering thing about the whole situation.

It's been a shitty week. Calls in are slow, and I've only worked two days this week, so I'm already in a shitty mood. But this whole realization just tops everything. I'm feel so lost right now, I have no idea what to do about it.

I'm so sad and angry.

On the plus side, at least I'll have an extra $15 per month.

FML.

An Actual Email I Actually Sent Just Now:

Mr. Car Salesman Guy*,

Thank you for your prompt response to my web inquiry. I appreciate it, and the fact that these emails actually might possibly be at least copied and pasted by a human being is, at the least, very encouraging.

I am an honest person, Mr. Car Salesman Guy*, and I'm going to be brutally honest in this email. I hope if you do respond you will afford me the same courtesy.

I submitted the web request through the Hyundai website on a complete whim. I seriously doubt you will be able to finance me for a new vehicle for the payments that I would be able to afford per month. I've been to a few dealers in my time, and I've -never- been offered even to CHECK to see if I can get financing for a new vehicle.

This is because my credit is bad. Not only is my credit bad, it's relatives are bad, it's morals are bad and it's got bad credit breath. If my credit were to suddenly transform into a concrete being, it would be a cardboard box that someone had thrown away ... that suddenly fell out of the trash and then got run over by a tractor-trailer truck ... then was set on fire by a bolt of lightening ... and was put out by a load of toxic waste ... and then some wind blew it into the bottom of the Swamp of Eternal Stench where it sunk to the bottom to spend the rest of eternity.

So I don't delude myself into thinking you will be able to finance me for the payments I'd want per month. I can only pay $225 per month. That's the most. That's not, "Oh, she's just saying that to start low ... she can really afford $300 per month." No, I can only afford $225 per month. I make $10 per hour, and I don't have a boyfriend/husband/sugar daddy to help me... which means I'm paying rent, car payment, insurance, phone and internet by myself. Which is hard. It means there are some two week stretches that I'm eating Ramen and baked potatoes for two weeks straight... but all of my bills are paid in full.

I don't have a down payment. If I were to attempt to purchase a vehicle at this time, my current vehicle would have to serve as the down payment ... and I still have about a year and a half to pay it off. I love my little current car! It's a completely lovely 2004 Chevy Cavalier. There is nothing wrong with it -- it runs great, everything works on it, nothing leaks. I would love to have a new car, though. One with an MP3 player and one that wasn't so old and smelled like a new car and was awesome. Which is why I submitted the request on the website.

What I'm really looking for is a nice, small car. It should be between a 2008 and a 2012. I would really like a hatchback. I'd really love a NEW car, but prefer not to have too many pipe dreams. I don't want a new car that's exactly like the car that I have now but just 'new-to-me.' If I was going to do that, I might as well just keep the car that I have now and pay it off in a year and a half.

If this is something you think you might be able to do, I would really appreciate you letting me know. If not, then I would appreciate you letting me know that as well. I would prefer to get financing first so my 'new car heartbreak' isn't so ego/life/emotion killing when you say 'no.' So please let me know -- if you can't, no hard feelings. I've been told that before, trust me.

I hope you have a great day. I did read some of your reviews that are listed in your signature, and they were all glowing. You seem like a very nice person.

- Nestle Chip*

* - Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

My Mother and Facebook

Subtitle: Parent's Shouldn't Text - Facebook Edition

I was going to go to bed. I really was. It's midnight here, and I had my computer turned off and was ready to go to slumberville.

But I can't resist. I have to post about this, because it provided me with the biggest laugh I've had in over a year.

Recently, my mother decided she was going to sign up for Facebook via her shiny new mobile phone. My mother, to put it lightly, is not tech-savvy. In fact, she's lucky she knows how to operate her DVD player. I'm actually surprised she has a DVD player... I thought for sure she'd still be living in the VHS age. Color me surprised when my sister and I visited her and saw she'd moved into the 90's.

So when I logged on to Facebook and saw that my mother wanted to friend me, I was... shocked. Then I accepted the friend request. Then I went to her profile. It looked something like this:

Nestle's Mom has joined Facebook!
Nestle's Mom has activated Facebook Moblie
Nestle's Mom is now friends with Nestle, Nestle's sister, and Nestle's Aunt.
Nestle's Mom: AE
Nestle's Mom: A
Nestle's Mom: NESTLES MOM
Nestle's Mom: A NESTLES MOM

Which, of course, made me laugh my ass off. Apparently, she's having a bit of trouble posting. That is an understatement.

I called her and congratulated her on finally moving into the 00's. She related the fact that she was still having a bit of trouble figuring things out, and that my sister had helped her out a bit with figuring out her profile and sending out some friend requests. I told her not to worry, that she'd get it in time.

I was browsing YouTube tonight, looking at random videos. I posted one to share on Facebook, when I noticed my mother had been posting on my aunt's profile. This is what it looked like:

Nestle's Mom: I DONT NO HOW TO DO THIS FRIEND THING NESTLE'S SISTER DID IT I HAD NO FRIENDS 4 A WEEK
Nestle's Mom: U HAV 104 I DONT EVEN KNOW IF U GET THIS MESS
Nestle's Mom: I

I didn't even finish reading those posts before I was laughing my ass off. My phone was right next to me, and since she'd just posted those things, I figured she was still up. The conversation went something like this:

Nestle's Mom: Hello?

Nestle: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Nestle's Mom: Hello?

Nestle: MOM!!

Nestle's Mom: *nervous chuckle* Er, what?

Nestle: OMG, MOM! Are you trying to post to Facebook???

Nestle's Mom: YES! I hate Facebook! I can't do anything! Why are you laughing? What did I say?

Nestle: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Mom, you posted a bunch of random letters and then your name twice on your own profile! And then you posted weird crap and then the letter 'i' by itself on aunt's profile!!

Nestle's Mom: I HATE FACEBOOK! It won't let me do anything! I don't know how to see anything, and I wasn't even sure if it was going through!

Nestle: Oh my god, mom, you gave me the best laugh I've had in about a year!!

Nestle's Mom: I'm going to delete that stuff! If you're laughing that hard, I don't want to accept any other friend requests!! I want to delete my profile!

Nestle: No, it's okay mom, you'll get it, it'll just take a while to learn. If you want, I can log into your profile and delete the posts.

Nestle's Mom: What posts?

Nestle: The random letters and your spammed name and the posts you did on aunt's page!

Nestle's Mom: You can delete the letter posts, but not the ones on aunt's page! I'm sending her a text message now...

I am still laughing about it hours later. If she sticks with it, she'll get it eventually. But damn it's fucking funny in the meantime!

I just hope she doesn't give up. It'd be nice if she can get it down and we can communicate on the web.

I may or may not have helped with my helpful phone call!

Why My Dog Is Not The Best Dog

Before I do a glowing report on how my dog is better than your dog, and no other dog can compare to her in the history of dogdom, I thought I'd do a post telling you why she's not.

Maybe it's a bit backwards to do it this way, but since I haven't filmed the video I am supposed to film to convince you she's the coolest dog ever, it's making more sense to do it this way.

Besides which, you get a post. Don't bitch. :P

The biggest (and most obvious) of Sadie's flaws is that she is not a big fan of new people.

Sometimes, she's not a fan of old people, either.

Last weekend, we went to a planned "pawty" event for puppies and doggies at a local park. There were about 20 people there, all told, under a picnic shelter. There were maybe about five dogs. I walked in and took a look around, and Sadie...

... took the fuck off.

She spent her time the whole half hour I was there either hiding under the picnic table between my feet, or running around the entire picnic area and staying at least five feet away from everyone present. The whole time, she looked like at any moment she expected the people to converge into an evil, leering group of zombies, rushing at her and ripping out her spleen with their fingernails.

At one point, when there was more than expected noise, she took off into the woods beside the picnic area.

Eventually, I stuck her on a leash and we went for a walk on one of the many secluded trails, where I was again able to take her off the leash and she happily bounced around me and had a great time.

Walking in the woods.

Alone.

With me.

Where people were no where in sight for about a mile.

Yeah.

Making this 'scared of people' thing worse is that she really is TERRIFIED of kids. If a child is under five feet tall, she has no idea how to react (sound familiar?). She hides, takes off, and if I do have a leash on her and she doesn't have anywhere to go, she sits at my side and shakes like a fucking epileptic.

Woo, fun.

When I was living with my sister, with time, she got used to my sister's kids. If they were sitting down and not moving, sometimes she'd even walk by and give them a lick. But were they moving, or talking, or breathing, she'd watch them like a hawk and make sure they weren't there to punch her in the face.

Yay.

I have absolutely no fear of her biting anything, ever. I don't even think it would ever cross her mind. But I doubt she's going to be a 'outgoing' dog any time soon. My old roommate's girlfriend, I think, used to take it personally... but it wasn't ever a personal thing. Sadie's an equal opportunity people hater.

I might or might not have something to do with this, I realize. It's not something I try to strengthen in her, but ... when I don't like many people I meet, then I'm pretty fucking sure she can pick up on my vibes.

For instance, I recently met my half-sister for the first time. And comparatively, Sadie was *outgoing* than the way she is with most people. She actually sat in the living room with us, and went up to my half-sister a few times to jump up on her knee, lick her hand once, and say 'hi.'

But I immediately liked my half-sister, and was comfortable around her.

There is also, in addition to her dislike of new people, the fact that I think she has food allergies and at the moment she's got some ear problems as well. I don't have enough money to take her to the vet at this point, though, so I've tried switching her food and some over-the-counter ear remedies to see if they will work. The jury's still out on that. I hope they work. But I guess that's not really her fault, now is it?

If I could list something else that makes Sadie not the best dog, I would. But honestly, that is all of her problems. Trust me, the post about her virtues will be much longer.

Happy Monday, yo.